Men/Sex

So your man is having a (cough) hard time getting an orgasm. Here's how to help him out

Don't be offended if he doesn't reach the Big O; it probably has nothing to do with you
 

Image: 123rf.com

Sex should always be an enjoyable and rewarding experience for all parties involved. But sometimes, things just don't work the way they should and your man isn't able to hit that sweet spot. Don't take it personally because chances are, it's not you, it's him (no, really). Here are five possibilities why this may happen and how you can help him.

He's Too Stressed

Stress can take a toll on the sex lives of both men and women. Sex involves letting go and getting into the moment, so if your man isn't able to leave his problems out of the bedroom, reaching an orgasm might be nothing more than a dream to him. Whether it's work, money or family issues that is stressing him out, he needs to be in the moment and surrender to it so that he can get to that satisfying end goal.

ALSO READ: Here's how you can improve your sex life with everyday items

What you should do: If you know that he has been stressed lately, try to get him to forget everything else by doing something that he finds relaxing before getting to the bedroom action. Or just tell him that it's okay and that you'll try again another time. Don't ever blame – or worst still, laugh at – him, though, as that will only compound the problem.

He Has Baggage

As much as we think that sex is a purely physical act for men, most guys also need some sort of emotional connection in order for it to work. So if he has been hurt in the past or has trust issues in general, he might not find it easy to hit it off with you sexually and this will materialise in physical form by him not being able to have an orgasm. What you should do: Take the time to win over his trust and assure him that you won't let him down.

ALSO READ: True Story: “My husband and I have hot ‘sex’ even though we’re miles apart”

He Has Performance Anxiety

Your man might be so focused on making your romp an unforgettable one that he's unable to rise to the occasion. He might be trying his best to make it good for you, so much so that doing anything else is practically impossible. If he’s in love with you, he may also paradoxically be afraid of the extra intimacy that sex will lead to, which may lead to him holding himself back. Being afraid of getting you pregnant could cause performance anxiety, too (even if you're using protection). What you should do: Get him to talk about it and ask if there's anything you can do to help reduce his anxiety or make him feel more emotionally connected to you. Tell him that you want him to let go so that you can both enjoy your sex sessions.

ALSO READ: "She told me to dominate her": Singaporean men share their hottest sexual encounters

He's Masturbating Too Much

If he's already done it once or twice that day, it will take a lot longer for him to do it once more with you, Masturbation also gets him used to a certain way of reaching the Big O, which might be hard to replicate when he's having sex with an actual person. What you should do: If you're aware that he masturbates often in the privacy of his bedroom, talk to him and tell him that you want him to reach orgasm with you – instead of by himself – and work on it slowly, so as to get him used to having sex with you on the regular.

He Has A Medical Condition

Not being able to orgasm could be due to several medical reasons such as low testosterone levels, diabetes, prostate issues, nerve damage or even a physical injury. What you should do: If it happens often or if you suspect he needs professional help, encourage him to see a doctor to get to the root of the (medical) problem.