Sex & Love
Their sex lives are the envy of their friends, but what exactly do these women know that the rest of us don’t?
“It’s important to have slow, drawn-out sex every so often – the kind that allows you to interact, connect, and enjoy each other’s bodies. You can’t quite do all that with a quickie. I think we all have time for sex, and if sex is important to you and your spouse, you will make or find the time for it. Sex is the most intimate form of connection between two people in love – it keeps your relationship strong, and more importantly, it enhances your sexual pleasure and improves your emotional and physical wellbeing. If you don’t make connecting this way with your man a priority, it’s easy to grow apart after a while.” – Maureen*, designer, 40 Photo: 123rf ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “Comfort and hygiene are important if you’re going to let go during sex and allow your partner to explore every part of your body. This is why you should take the time to at least wash your intimate area before getting busy with your guy. What I like to do is shower with my hubby before we hit the sheets. When we’re both squeaky clean and fresh, the sex is so much better.” – Jennifer*, 38, teacher Photo: 123rf ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “Most men can just jump into sex, but women are not the same. We need to be touched, cuddled and kissed to get our engines revved pup and ready to go. So don’t think that foreplay isn’t important, because without it, it can be hard for women to orgasm. What’s good foreplay? Whatever works for you and your man, be it oral sex, mutual masturbation, prolonged kissing, talking dirty, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears or even showering together. If it turns you on, you can call it foreplay.” – Jana*, 38, flight attendant Photo: 123rf ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “If you like what your man is doing, tell him. Many men complain that they have no idea whether their partner is enjoying herself or not, so don’t leave your guy to guess how you feel. Believe me, he will appreciate the encouragement. Don’t just comment on his technique, though – if he looks especially hot and sexy that night, tell him. When he feels confident about himself and knows that he’s making you happy, he’s more likely to perform well in bed.” – Carolyn*, 36, chef Photo: Pixabay ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “No matter how ‘square’ we think we are, we all have sex fantasies. Some of us have wilder imaginations than others, but we all fantasise about sex in various contexts. But why keep those fantasies to yourself? If you’re going to act them out with anyone, it should be your partner – someone with whom you share a mutual trust, respect and understanding. So, no matter how kinky or funny your fantasies, don’t be afraid or embarrassed to share them with your guy. Making them come true might just be what you’re looking for to take your sex life to the next level!” – Cassandra, 35, reporter Photo: Pexels ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “If talking dirty – or talking at all – during sex isn’t your thing, fine. But you can at least moan with pleasure, right? How else will your guy know that he’s turning you on? You don’t even have to moan loudly and you certainly don’t have to scream. Soft moans, or a simple ‘Mmmm…’ can also be sexy – just go with what suits your mood and personality at that moment. The one thing you don’t want to be is quiet like a mouse.” – Gina*, 29, personal trainer Photo: 123rf ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “It takes two people to create fireworks in bed, so if your man is doing all he can to seduce you and get you in the mood, lap it up by all means, but remember that it’s also your job to make him feel special and wanted. Nobody likes a selfish lover! If you’re not sure what he likes or how he wants to be touched, ask him – and then give it to him. When your partner feels that his needs are also being taken care of, he’s bound to return the favour ten-fold.” – Lesley*, 34, banker Photo: 123rf ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “Nobody likes doing chores, but if you always approach sex the way you do housework or some other boring task, then you’re never going to enjoy it. So, don’t just lie there, stare at the ceiling and hope that it’ll be over soon. And don’t make your partner do all the work. Great sex is not a one-sided effort. Get some signature moves and tricks up your sleeve, pay attention to your man’s needs and how he’s responding to you, be open to trying new things, laugh a lot, and, above all, don’t forget to have fun! When you’re really into it, you’re more likely to be sexually satisfied.” – Su-Lin*, 34, events manager Photo: 123rf ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “As with everything else in life, if you don’t ask for what you want, you’re not going to get it. So if your guy isn’t doing enough to please you in bed, don’t keep quiet about it. Of course, there’s a way to tell him what you want and need without making him feel like he’s doing something wrong and without coming across as demanding or rude. Simple statements and questions like ‘Can you do that some more?’, ‘Please touch me here instead’ and ‘I like it when you go a little slower’ are perfect.” – Claudia*, 32, graphic designer Photo: 123rf ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS? “Most of us think that sex has to be a certain way or that the act has to follow a certain number of steps. That’s just not true, and that kind of thinking can really hamper your enjoyment of sex. The truth is, sex can be anything you and your guy want it to be – romantic, rough, naughty, or downright mindless or silly. It doesn’t have to be the kind of sex your friends are having or the kind of sex you see in the movies. All that matters is that you both have a good time and have fun together.” – Madeline*, 27, marketing officer *Names have been changed Photo: 123rf ALSO READ: SPILL IT: SHOULD YOU DISCUSS YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR FRIENDS?
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