If you’re in a relationship, there may have been occasions where you found yourself in an argument over how much sex to have. It’s a common point of conflict—especially since one usually has a higher sex drive than the other. If it’s your partner that wants more sex, you may have been accomodating his requests (or demands) to keep the peace. There’s no real benchmark for what’s normal because every couple is different, but there’s still a difference between every day and twice weekly.
Not sure how to tell if you’re having way more sex than you really want to? Here are six signs. If you can relate to at least half of them, perhaps it’s time to have some real talk with your partner.
1. You do it because you're worried he might otherwise cheat
You're worried he might stray, so you sleep with him even when you don't feel like it to prevent that from happening. Sure, it's all about give and take when it comes to meeting each other's needs, but if you feel threatened by an affair just because your sex drive is lower, you might have a way bigger problem at hand than just a mismatch in sex drives.
2. You do it because you don't want to be a '"bad" girlfriend.
You don't want to let him down, so you give in time and again-but how much giving is too much? Sex has become more of an obligation than an expression of love, and you no longer feel close to your partner after the deed is done (it's hard to feel close to him when you don't feel like your own preferences are taken into account anyway).
3. Your mind wanders during sex
More often than not, your mind is somewhere else during sex. Maybe it's the exciting plot of the Netflix series you've been following. Or what you're going to have for dinner after. Maybe it's simply how you can't wait for sexy time to end... or fantasies about someone else. Whatever it is, if you haven't been feeling it, you just might be having more than you'd like.
4. You never make the first move
And why would you? You already feel overwhelmed. In fact, you feel relieved on days that he doesn't make a move. You regularly claim to be more tired than you really are, and start acting sluggish around the time you know he's going to try.
5. You've cheated
Whether emotionally or physically, or both, you've crossed the line with someone else. You've been having more sex than you'd like with your partner and you feel resentful that your own desires haven't been respected. So you turned to someone else for validation - even if it also involved sex.
6. You're not orgasming as much
Because you haven't even been feeling it in the first place, you haven't been enjoying yourself, and as a wile you just haven't beem experiencing as much pleasure as you used to.
This article was first published on CLEO.