We can kid ourselves all we want, but if you’re someone who drinks, you’ll know if you’re a good drinker or not. And if you genuinely can’t say with any certainty if you’re a good drinker because the last thing you remember is taking maybe two shots at the bar before waking up in your bathroom, chances are you’re a bad drinker. No one likes to be embarrassed at a bar or club (even if you can’t remember being an embarrassing mess afterwards), so here are some tips on being a safe drinker.
Prep ahead of time
If you’re planning to have a couple of drinks, inform someone. Tell your best friend or even a sibling that you’ll be out and about, so that they can check up on you after a few hours are up. Give them the contact of a friend in case you aren’t able to pick up your phone, and ensure that you have enough emergency cash on you to hitch a cab home. Oh, and make sure your phone is fully charged; the last thing you need is to be locked out of your house or on the street drunk without a phone.
Most importantly, do not under any circumstances drive a vehicle if you are planning to drink. Leave your car at home so that you won’t end up drink-driving and endangering the lives of others. Be considerate!.
Choose your poison wisely
If you’re a lightweight, you need to know what can get you that nice buzz without tipping you over into dangerously drunk territory – and that probably means no tequila shots, or shots of any kind for that matter. There are plenty of cocktails to choose from that are not too strong and taste great to boot! Ask the bartender for a recommendation if you can’t decide. Oh, and avoid Long Island Tea at all costs. Trust me on this.
No. Just no. Drunk texting is just the worst. Waking up in the morning and finding a mass of misspelled conversations to your ex, significant other, family or colleagues is the third worst thing to wake up to (the second worst thing being a very unattractive stranger next to you in bed, and the first being a hideous tribal tattoo on your lower back).
Know your limits
Once drunk, most people will hear that little voice in their head that says “Whoa, you’re drunk. It’s time for some water.” Bad drinkers have that little voice too, but it gets drowned out by a bigger voice that continually shouts, “shots, please”.
If you have a distorted sense of time and start wondering how time flew by so fast when you “know it definitely didn’t”, you could be drunk. If you hit your hand hard on something and it doesn’t hurt as much as it usually does, you’re probably drunk. If you know you can’t dance or sing and suddenly you’re dancing or singing pretty well (in your head), you are drunk. If you start divulging your most intimate issues and personal struggles to acquaintances and people you’ve just met, you’re most definitely drunk.
The easiest way to tell if you’re drunk is to touch your nose. Extend your arm straight out. Bend your arm, while keeping your elbow straight out, and touch your nose. If your elbow drops or you miss your nose, you’ve probably had a bit too much to drink.
Go with the right people
Go with friends you trust and that are good drinkers. Friends will get you out of fights and into a cab home at the end of the night.
Eat while you drink
A wise man once told me that in between drinks he’d take shots of olive oil so that he won’t get a hangover. It’s not necessarily something I would recommend, but it would be prudent to nibble on finger food like fries or chicken wings while drinking. Eating helps you to pace your drinking rate while still maintaining that pleasant buzz. It’s definitely better than eating right before you drink, which increases the chance of you pulling a Merlion (#projectilevomit). If you don’t want to spend too much on expensive bar food, drink a glass of warm water in between each drink; this will slow your rate of intoxication.
Don’t hold it on the dance floor
If you happen to start dancing, make sure that your hands are empty. You don’t want to be holding a glass of happy juice on the dance floor. It’s unattractive as hell to be seen slurping sloppily while attempting to dance. Even worse, you could drop your glass and break it, and there is no worse combination than a bunch of drunk people, a dance floor and broken glass.
There has to be hundreds of hangover cures from around the world, and some of them might actually work. The only surefire way, however, is to take measures to prevent hangovers before, during and after you drink. Some ways to lesson alcohol absorption and help your body process alcohol better would include:
Having a glass of milk before and after drinking
Taking multivitamins before drinking
Drinking a glass of orange juice before sleeping
Eating foods high in carbohydrates, protein and fat on the day you’re drinking
Using juices as mixers instead of soft drinks
Avoiding hard liquor
Sleeping for at least eight hours after
Even if you practise just one of these, you’ll find that your night and the morning after will be significantly improved.