He says: Don’t two-time
Truth be told, the first time it happened I was upset. I got up from the table, paid the bill and left. The second time I was in disbelief; I couldn’t believe it had happened to me twice.
The third time I laughed out loud, thinking I had the worst luck ever. After the fourth time I realised there was a pattern and a problem. I found myself asking the question, why are girls going on dates with me when they have boyfriends?
They’re called “upgraders”, or at least that’s what I call them. The name stems from a song by Beyonce titled Upgrade U. Although the actual lyrics talk about upgrading your current guy (fashion and business-wise), I took the name and used it to describe girls changing out their boyfriends for someone better.
The definition is simple; an upgrader is a girl who has a boyfriend but actively dates other guys. This was something I had never come across in all my years of dating (going on six years single, mind you). Sure I’ve seen the blatant cheat or ex-booty call, but not straight up dating someone else out in the open.
I thought the rules were simple, to me it’s black and white. To upgraders it’s a grey area as big as an elephant.
When confronted the upgraders all said the same thing, “This isn’t a date, we’re just hanging out”. Hanging out? It didn’t feel like I was hanging out. I don’t remember high-fiving when we met. Usually when I’m hanging out with my friends it’s not all “dressed up eating at a nice restaurant”. Since when did dinner and drinks with a stranger equal hanging out?
According to them the difference between a date and hanging is that a date has a romantic element. That’s very subjective. I thought asking someone out for dinner clearly shows romantic intentions.
Ladies, let me clarify this once and for all: when a guy you just met asks you out to dinner it isn’t because he wants a new pal to play xbox with, it’s because he is interested romantically.
To me there isn’t moral justification for this type of behaviour; but I’m still searching for explanations. Is it selfishness, boredom, shallowness, all of the above?
I believe that some upgraders want a free meal, others are too scared to be alone and love the attention and I think all of them suffer from the old adage of “have your cake and eat it too”.
The sad truth is that everyone involved suffers. The boyfriends are in constant stress of their significant others spending time with someone else or they are subjected to constant lies. The girls are blatantly disrespecting their relationship by publicly flaunting the “other” man.
The openly single guy, me, gets the most important thing wasted: time. I would rather be hanging out with real friends than on a date that wasn’t really a date to begin with.
So maybe you’re thinking that these girls were genuine with their pursuit for a friend. *BUZZ* Wrong! With the exception of the most recent girl, all their relationships ended exactly as a new one started up and I would bet a Sentosa Cove penthouse that the most recent will be finding a new man very soon.
Perhaps that could have been me with one of them, but I didn’t want to stick around. People have to stand for something, and one of those things for me is not getting involved with girls who have boyfriends.
Plus I wouldn’t be able to trust an upgrader, not now, not ever. Tough luck? Not for me, I’m happy to stick it out for single girls because they are truly worth my time.
Where once I thought it was presumptuous and cheesy to ask a girl if she has a boyfriend it is now a must ask question. Guys take note, girls take out your boyfriend.
The writer is a man-about-town in Singapore, and likes spicy ice-cream, pig Latin and long walks off short piers. He will regularly be bringing us a guy’s perspective on love and relationships.