He Says: It’s all about timing
I believe that it all comes down to timing. Anyone, and I mean anyone, can theoretically end up with anyone else on this earth if the timing is right for both parties.
It’s an optimistic outlook, until you look at the other side of the coin. Meeting the right person at the wrong time is the worst, and we’ve all been there.
Based on my observations and experience over the years, there is a best time to meet your ideal partner, but the age varies for everyone as people find the love of their lives anytime from when they were kids to even in an old folks’ home. Oh yes, old people find love too.
It’s all about meeting someone when the both of you are at your most compatible; whether you’re looking for a friendship, casual relationship or serious commitment.
Here’s why I personally feel the “perfect time” to meet someone would be when they’re in their mid to late twenties:
THE BACKPACKERS OF RELATIONSHIPS
When we’re younger – and more immature – there are several negatives working against us. For starters, we lack experience. This experience could range from work, relationships and sex, to education and travel – basically anything attributed to growing up. But it’s not our fault; because with time comes experience and it can’t be rushed.
At this stage we’re adventurous, often disguising our insecurities by being outgoing and social. Everything is a new experience and we’re figuring out our path in life. Our baggage is that we don’t have much baggage, just a backpack. It’s easy come, easy go; and we’re definitely the backpackers of relationships.
But like all backpackers, we eventually grow out of things and require better accommodation, destinations and company. Getting seriously involved at this stage is a waste time, but is something that we crave.
THE DISNEY PRINCESSES
On the flip side, you have the people who have been there, done pretty much everything, and seek a life of security, monogamy and family. They’ve been to the circus, seen the show and are now ready to get off the ride.
The problem is that it doesn’t matter what town they’re in, they want out; and this usually causes them to get too serious, too soon. You truly can’t like someone until you get to know them; and don’t even get me started on the whole “love at first sight” farce.
I’m guessing those who go down this road do so mostly because of family and societal pressures, and youthful dreams – remember when you said you wanted 30 kids by the time you were 25? – but mainly blame Disney.
The reality is that Prince Charming looks like Prince William and he isn’t bringing much of a kingdom. Rushing to get involved with someone at this stage would probably make you feel like you’re looking down the barrel of a shotgun wedding, whether you are holding the gun or getting it pointed at you.
THE SOCIAL BUTTERFLIES
Just as you have those who want nothing more than to settle down, you also have the people who try to live it up as much as they can. That means partying like a teenager – with each weekend blurring into the next – going to every club event, store opening, and restaurant revealing; not to mention the hot brunch spot the next day, dark sunglasses and all.
I find that these people are usually the ones who have weathered some bad relationships and skipped out on some good ones. With the only things grounding them being family, friends and a good career, there isn’t much of a chance, or time, for anything substantial when it comes to a relationship; and that’s if you can even keep up.
While meeting one of these people can be exciting and refreshing initially – it’s nice to meet someone who gets your 80s movie quotes – they carry the most baggage. It’s branded, but baggage nonetheless.
I would say an easy way to tell the difference between to the two types is to ask a simple question: What did you do last weekend?
If they can’t give a defining answer because they can’t remember, then they’re most likely a “social butterfly”. If they answer with details as boring and intricate as the inside of a high-priced luxury watch, then my guess is they’re probably a “Disney princess”.
That leaves us with the “perfect timing”, or in this case, anything in between. At this magical time we are well-rounded, have been in at least one long term relationship (from which we’ve recovered well), had a few short-term flings, one night stands, friends with benefits and any other relationship label you could possibly come up with.
We aren’t looking for anything serious, but are open to it if it comes – and you know what they say about things happening when you aren’t looking. If it does happen we’re mature enough to handle it and young enough to enjoy it.
Best of all, we’re discovering things about ourselves with great poise and can appreciate a nice dinner and drinks as much as a night spent dancing on tables, or at least looking at those who are.
The writer is a man-about-town in Singapore, and likes spicy ice-cream, pig Latin and long walks off short piers. He will regularly be bringing us a guy’s perspective on love and relationships.