Seven lessons on how to get over a man
He was my first love and when our relationship ended, I had a tough time. I’d spend hours sobbing into my pillow or begging him to try again.
Most nights, I stared endlessly at my mobile phone, hoping he would call. When I wasn't going all psychotic on my mobile phone, I was taking it out on my best friends, who never stopped listening (mostly with great patience).
I would spend hours reliving our previously blooming relationship in my head — anything to make it feel real again. I even remember pleading with him to meet me in town and then waiting four hours for him, only to have him cancel at the last minute.
I daresay that was one of the lowest points in my life. However, it was also one of those great learning opportunities that don't come by very often.
Here are some lessons I took away from one of my most traumatic break-ups:
NO ONE IS WORTH THE HEARTACHE
There isn't a single person on Earth who is worth as much as your happiness. When you make someone responsible for such an impossible task, you're just setting yourself and the other person up for failure, because no one is perfect.
YOU’RE WORTH MORE
Self-worth isn't something that just happens to us, it's a belief system. Realize you're worth more, and you won't settle for anything less.
HE’S NOT THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE
I placed my ex-boyfriend in such an all-consuming position in my universe so when he left, I felt incredibly alone. Even though you might have lost one person, focus on the others who love you.
NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO BEG
I was convinced I wouldn't have a future without him so I did everything I could to get him back. My biggest mistake was not the act of begging; it was the belief that I was worth so little I had to beg to be given time of the day.
NEVER LOSE YOURSELF
Many people lose their individuality once they're in a relationship. Remember that you're important too, and it's perfectly all right to have your own personality.
IT’S OKAY TO BE ALONE
Some find it difficult to be alone. In fact, they'd never dream of eating or watching a movie by themselves. I believe this stems (sometimes) from a lack of self love and worth. You'll only enjoy your own company if you know, understand and love yourself.
LIFE GOES ON
It's difficult to believe, but things will start to change with time. If this relationship didn't work out, there will be something else — bigger and better — out there.
And above all, remember that you will get through this. As Gloria Gaynor once sang, 'As long as I know how to love, I know I will stay alive, I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give and I'll survive'.
Alisa Chopard is a writer and a lover of all things satisfying, including good food and fabulous fashion.