Sex & Marriage

How to bring the spark back into your marriage if you have neglected your man

How to bring the spark back into your marriage if you have neglected your man.

Photo: Carloscastilla / 123rf.com

 

Warning sign #1: The last time you had sex was a month or two ago. 

There are many reasons why couples stop having sex frequently. It could be distance, for example, where one of you works in another state and the other stays at home with the kids. Or, it could be physical exhaustion brought on by graveyard shifts or health issues. Whatever it is, if your relationship lacks emotional safety – connections formed with your husband – and sex takes a backseat, this is a relationship red flag. A simple way to determine whether or not you have emotional safety is to ask these questions:  

1.“Are you there for me?” 

2.“Do I matter to you?” 

3.“Are you emotionally connected to me?” 

4.“Will you come when I call?” 

5.“Will you be there when I need you the most?” 

6.“Will you cherish me?” 

7.“Do I come first to you?” 

 

If all the answers are ‘yes’, then it does not matter how frequent or pleasurable sex is. But if the answers are mostly ‘no’, you need to start thinking about ways to repair the connection. Ask each other how sex feels now, when both your bodies have changed with age, then talk about what turns the both of you on and what you find sexy about each other. Start by building a safe, playful vibe around sex, so it’s not a loaded conversation. Explore your desires together and make it fun. 

 

Read Also: Friends for hire: Would you hire a professional to be your bridesmaid or groomsmen?

 

Warning sign #2: You get bored or annoyed whenever he talks about day-to-day things. 

Try to listen past the facts and pay attention to the emotions your husband is trying to tell you. Being emotionally responsive calms him down, and also builds mutual security and trust. Emotional love ebbs and flows: happy, stable couples do quarrel, but they also know how to tune into each other and restore emotional connections after a clash. When we feel our relationship is threatened or we’re unable to voice our needs, we tend to either push our partner to respond, or shut down and move away to protect ourselves. No matter what words we choose, what we are really saying is, “Notice me. I need you.” Step back for a second and understand that these strategies don’t work; they only pull you further apart from him.   

 

Warning sign #3: You focus more on your kids. 

How often have you heard your husband complain that he has lost you to the kids?  And how often have you defended yourself, saying he shouldn’t be jealous of his own kids and you’re just doing what you have to? When you’re preoccupied with your family as a whole, it’s easy to overlook what each of you really need, which is emotional support. Make time for each other, even if it’s just 15 minutes to talk about your day-to-day life. Communication is the key to a fulfilling relationship, and when you’re in sync, you’ll be able to work out something that benefits the both of you.  

 

Read Also: 8 relationship problems that can’t be fixed

 


Warning sign #4: You always turn to your friends or co-workers for advice. 

When you are in a loving relationship and comfortable with each other, it’s healthy to get to know your colleagues and spend time with your friends. But if you always turn to them for support instead of your husband, and he feels deprived of your affections, it’s an issue you have to work on. Check in with him every now and then about how he feels when you go out with friends, or when you put in extra time on an exciting new project.  

Acknowledge his feelings and reassure him, in words and actions, of your love and support. Rather than being needy and co-dependent, encourage each other to be an individual in the relationship. Research shows that maintaining your own identity while being securely attached to your spouse is better for your well-being. You become more independent, resilient and happier. 

 

Warning sign #5: Your once-healthy and active husband no longer cares about his physical appearance.  

The health benefits of being in an emotionally secure and unambiguous relationship are mind-blowing.  When you have this bond, you can deal with almost anything life throws at you. You feel better about yourself, you’re more confident about your place in the world, and deal better with stress. So if your husband is neglecting his physical appearance, try to create a safe emotional environment for him to talk about what is happening to him. When he opens up to you, respond by acknowledging his feelings without judgement.   

 

Read Also5 fengshui tips to note for a smooth and happy marriage

 


Bonding time 

Reignite the spark with these activities that bring the both of you closer together.  

  1. Travel - Go to the places he's always wanted to go or just do a simple weekend getaway. Leaving town helps to temporarily take away the stresses and responsibilities of life. 

  1. Engage in each other’s interests – Learn something new about your husband by showing interest in the things he likes to do. For example, watch football with him this Saturday and root for his favourite team.  

  1. Exercise together – There is no healthier way to bond with your spouse than working out together. Not only will you feel closer to him, you’ll benefit from the exercise too.  

  1. Go on a date – Remember the first time he asked you out to dinner? Recreate that precious moment by going out for a candlelit dinner. The both of you deserve it! 

  1. Try a new restaurant – Go on a food hunt with your spouse and try out all the places on your wish list. Discover each other’s taste by ordering what you wouldn’t usually pick.

Expert: Azah Yazmin, Relationship therapist at Bright Consulting  

How to tell if your man is faking an orgasm

How to tell if your man is faking an orgasm

Photo: Paul Cotney, 123rf.com

When Sheryl* discovered that her hubby faked his orgasm one night, she was both hurt and shocked. “Of course I was personally offended because I thought he wasn’t attracted to me anymore,” says the 40-year-old business development manager. “But I was also surprised and confused, because I always thought that men have no trouble achieving orgasm. I mean, isn’t climaxing the whole point of sex for a guy?”

Sheryl’s problem is not uncommon. According to San Francisco-based sex therapist Vanessa Marin, women aren’t the only ones who fake sexual satisfaction. More men have difficulty reaching orgasm than you think, and they may lie to their partner out of embarrassment. 

Also read: 6 fun sex games, sex positions and sex toys to spice up things in the bedroom

    
Some men also experience something called “delayed” orgasm, where they may take at least half an hour to ejaculate (so if you’re used to your man climaxing within just a few minutes, his delayed orgasm can also be hurtful and puzzling). Men may also fake it if they feel themselves starting to get soft for whatever reason and just want the sexual encounter to be over. 

He faked it – but it’s not your fault
Vanessa says there aren’t any foolproof methods to determine if your man is faking it, but one way to tell is if you don’t see any semen in the condom or feel any semen leaking out of you after sex. “If you made love earlier that day, your man will not have much ejaculate, but otherwise there should be a noticeable amount,” she points out.

When your man has trouble reaching the finish line, it’s normal to feel that it’s your fault – like you’re not doing enough to keep him sexually interested, for instance. This is possible but, more often than not, your man’s faking has nothing to do with you. 

One cause of his non-orgasm or delayed orgasm could be medication. Certain antidepressants, such as Prozac and Lexapro, and anti-anxiety drugs like Xanax and Valium, are known to interfere with a person’s sex drive. Medications used to manage high cholesterol and blood pressure can also affect one’s ability to climax. 

Also read4 unexpected pleasure zones on your man's body you need to know to have great sex

And then there are emotional and mental issues such as anxiety, grief, stress and depression, all of which can get in the way of a man’s sexual pleasure. Or the problem could be related to his self-image – if Hubby has put on some weight or doesn’t feel his best, he may feel unattractive and ashamed. These negative feelings can certainly mess with his ability to “let go” with you in bed.

Alcohol is another culprit. It can affect the way blood moves in and out of the penis, so if your man drinks a lot, this can impact his sexual function. 

How you can help him
Faking an orgasm is never a good idea for either partner. According to Vanessa, faking is a sign that you don’t trust your partner enough to be honest, or that you’re too embarrassed to be honest. 

First off, if you know that your husband has been faking it, you’ll want to ensure that he isn’t on any medication that may be preventing him from ejaculating. You should also make sure that he’s not experiencing any work, financial or personal problems that may be affecting his sexual performance. Then, depending on the severity of the problem, you can talk to him about it.

Also read: 6 things to do if your spouse wants sex frequently but you don't - or vice versa

“If it’s a one-off incident, I wouldn’t confront him,” says Vanessa, “but you can ask if there’s anything else you can do to make him feel good.” If he’s been extra tired or stressed lately, for example, help him wind down with a relaxing massage. If he’s too focused on his problems at work, try to shift his attention away from his job for a while.  

But what if it happens a lot and is starting to put a strain on your relationship? The worst thing you can do is interrogate your man. “Think about how you’d want to be treated in a similar scenario,” Vanessa advises. “Bring it up to your man, but use a gentle tone. Say something like, “I want to make sure that we're both doing everything we can to make each other feel good when we're being intimate. Is there anything else I can do for you?”.

If Hubby refuses to discuss the issue with you or you can’t work through it together, then it might help to see a professional counsellor or sex therapist. 

*Name has been changed
 

True Story: She lost more than $1 million in an internet love scam

Love scam landed Singapore woman in debt

Illustration: Ioulia Bolchakova, 123rf.com

It all started when she accepted a friend request on Facebook.

But it eventually made her $1.2 million poorer after she became a victim of a love scam. Mary, an administrator in her 50s, lost all of her savings and ended up in debt. All names have been changed to protect the victim’s identity.

Police said it was the biggest amount lost by an individual in a scam that has seen a surge since the start of the year. April was the worst month, with $7.5 million pocketed by scammers.
In Mary’s case, the scammer, Tom, claimed he was an American engineer and investor.

Also read: True Story: "My hubby's mistress harassed me on Wechat."

He approached Mary after adding her on Facebook in January this year. Dazzled by promises of visits to Singapore, the mother of four developed a romantic relationship with him.
Mary said: “Even after many years of married life, I craved the companionship of a man because my husband was always working and hardly at home.”

Her children are all grown-up and working. About a month into the relationship, Tom told Mary he was coming here to live with her and he asked her to help link him up with local banks and hunt for apartments. He then told Mary about an intermediary, a Nigerian called John, who would help him bring US$5 million (S$6.77 million) in cash to Singapore.

Also read: TRUE STORY: "I slept with my sister's fiance the night before their wedding"​

When Tom suggested Mary meet John to collect the money, John told her that he was unable to enter Singapore due to documentation issues. John told Mary to go to Malaysia, where he claimed he was based.

“Because I felt like I was in a genuine relationship, I trusted anyone he trusted,” Mary said. John first asked Mary to transfer $6,000 into a Singapore bank account to get some documents processed, and she did. He then told her that he was stuck at the airport and asked her to meet him in Malaysia to hand him $50,000.

 

It was to vouch that the purported US$5 million he was carrying in cash was “clean money”. Mary said she agreed because she was convinced the relationship she had with Tom was genuine.

She said she was even willing to leave her husband for him. She added that Tom also told her the lock combination for the bags, which he claimed contained the money that John would show to her. The same day, Mary met John in a hotel room in Malaysia, where he showed her a few bags.

“When I opened the bags, there were a lot of US dollars in it,” she said. “It was also the correct combination that (Tom) had given me, so I did not suspect anything and I handed over the $50,000 in cash.”

Also read: TRUE STORY: "I looked for love online, but was cheated of $100,000 instead"

It marked the start of John’s continual requests for money and Mary would remit it each time. After using up her savings, Mary resorted to taking out unsecured loans from banks, and her insurance. Her family members found out about the bank loans and confronted Mary. She realised she had been a victim of an elaborate Internet love scam. Her family members told her to make a police report. But she had already transferred a total of $1.2 million by then.

This story was originally published in The New Paper

3 tips for a better marriage

3 tips for a better marriage

Illustration: Justyna Pszczolka, 123rf.com

We all need love to lead more fulfilling lives. As 18th-century French novelist Amantine-Lucile-Aurore Dupin once said: “There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” 

Getting married is only the beginning. Living happily together takes a whole lot of work. Dr Daniel Koh, a psychologist, said: “A healthy relationship is not a matter of who does more but rather, both individuals trusting and believing in each other. They complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses to help each other fulfil their dreams.” Dr Koh shares some secrets to make love last a lifetime. 

Believe in your spouse and have confidence in whatever he or she does

Having faith in your partner is the basis for trust, which in turn gives you the assurance that he or she is loyal to you. 

Resolve disagreements immediately 

Every relationship will have its fair share of disputes and quarrels. If something is not right, settle it immediately. Don’t let it drag out or give each other the cold shoulder. This is unhealthy. Your pent-up feelings will cause you to be discontented and resent your partner. Both husband and wife must be able to speak openly to each other about their feelings on any issue. Talk things out calmly. Listen, support and respect each other in your decisions, instead of just fixing problems and moving on. 

Compromise


Accept your partner’s idiosyncrasies and see things from different perspectives. Instead of thinking your spouse should change, think about how you can change too. This will make the relationship last longer. Bear in mind that any compromise made has to be for an acceptable or valid reason, for instance, if it benefits the overall well- being of the relationship. 

Also Read: How to fix things when you and your spouse don't talk anymore

This story was originally published in The Straits Times Classified on May 25, 2016. Download The Straits Times Classified app available free at the Apple App or Google Play stores.
 

How to have hot sex with your man every time

Hot sex illo

Illustration: Валерий Качаев,123rf.com

Ahh, sex. You and the Hubs are lucky if you even get to do it once a week, and when you do, it’s rarely of the earth-shattering variety.

You’re not the only one who wishes you could have more sex, and better sex at that. Many of us long for the days when sex with Hubby was romantic, passionate, and lasted all night. Now, it’s more “meh” than “mmmmm” – and over before you know it. 

In a survey of 80 Simply Her readers, 45 women said they had sex with their husband three times a month on average. Twenty-five revealed they had sex even less than that – just twice a month at most. The rest said they had sex twice or more times a week. 

Interestingly, most of the women polled assumed that everyone else was having more sex than them. When we asked how often they thought their friends did it, 70 women guessed about once or twice a week. 

 

Also read: How to fix things when you and your spouse don't talk anymore

 

When it came to how often they thought was ideal for happily married couples to have sex, 78 answered “at least once a week”. 

Once a week may not sound like a lot but, according to a study published in the November 2015 issue of the journal Social Psychology and Personality Science, this is all it takes for couples to maintain happiness in their relationship. 

Amy Muise led the study. A social psychologist affiliated with the Relationships and Well-Being Laboratory at the University of Toronto, Canada, she found that, while having sex more than once a week was not associated with greater well-being, if you and your man have sex less than once a week, happiness declined.  

Was it good for you?
 It’s true then. When it comes to great sex, frequency isn’t everything. So, if you’re only doing it once a week – or less than that – how do you make it count? Vanessa Marin, a sex and relationship therapist based in the US, says you should focus on the quality of your lovemaking. 

But what is quality sex? 


“This is a tricky question. Quality sex means different things to different people,” says Vanessa. “For some couples, it’s slow, romantic lovemaking with candles burning and soft music playing in the background. For others, it’s an intense quickie first thing in the morning or whenever you can fit it in. 

“However, most people would have a sense of the kind of sex that feels most satisfying to them, and that’s what’s important,” she adds.

 

Also read: Why does Hubby feel guilty when you can't orgasm during sex?

 

Vanessa encourages you to sit down with your man and discuss how each of you defines great sex, so that you can meet the other’s needs and experience quality sex together. You can start by thinking about how you’d like your ideal lovemaking session to go, what your favourite positions are, and how you like being touched. 

Then, share this with your husband and ask him to give you his answers. You can also talk about your best sexual memories of each other. In opening up about what you enjoy, you will both be able to come up with your own definition of quality sex.

How do you enjoy quality sex?


Quality sex leaves you feeling fulfilled, physically and emotionally. It deepens the intimate connection you share and is something you both look forward to. While we all have different ideas of what constitutes good sex, Vanessa has a few recommendations to help you experience it. 

Be present

This is your special time together. Don’t let anything interrupt it. Turn off your phones and other electronic devices, put away your to-do list, and try to be in the moment with your husband. 

Take your time

Even if you’re both into quickies, no one likes to feel rushed. Make sure you both know that you have all the time in the world for each other. 

Create a sexy atmosphere


Put on some nice lingerie, light candles, take a shower or bath together, play some sexy music or read a sexy novel to get in the mood. 

Take turns to focus on each other 


For at least a few minutes, try focusing all of your attention on your hubby’s body. Give him a massage or kiss him all over. Ask him to do the same to you.

Keep the love going 


Be affectionate with each other after sex. Cuddle, touch or engage in romantic chit-chat. 

“How we keep sex interesting”
These women don’t have sex that often, but when they do, they really make it count.

“On average, my husband and I have sex five times a month. To spice things up, we make 
an event of it. I’ll wear something sexy and he’ll light the candles. We try to pick a time when we’re not too tired – usually at weekends when our son is at his grandparents’ place. It’s always special because we make it so.” 
– Linda*, 38, sales consultant

“Gary* and I make love about once a week, usually when we’re both relaxed and the kids are asleep. We really take our time, allowing ourselves to get lost in each other. We’ve been married for 10 years, but we still explore each other’s bodies as if it was new to us.” 
– Dawn*, 42, financial advisor

 

Also read: 5 new sex toys to try for great sex tonight

 

“We usually have sex in the morning, when we’re both feeling rested and have energy to spare. Sundays are mostly when we do it, because this is when the kids sleep in and our helper is not around. We do it in bed or in the shower and the sex is always so much fun. It’s our time to connect.” – Carla*, 38, designer

“My husband and I only have sex three times a month because we’re always travelling for work. Sometimes, we have a romantic dinner at home and follow that with passionate lovemaking. We don’t have kids yet so we up the excitement by making love on the couch or even on the kitchen counter. It takes us back to our newly-wed days, when we couldn’t get enough of each other.” – Rebecca, 34, marketing manager

*Names have been changed.

 

Also read: 4 unexpected pleasure zones on your man's body you need to know to have great sex

 

READER POLL
We asked Simply Her readers… 

How often do you have sex?
13% Twice a week or more
31% Twice a month
56% Three times a month

How often do you think others 
are having sex?
88% Once or twice a week

How often should a happily 
married couple have sex?
98% At least once a week

 

 

How to tell if your man is about to have a fling with another woman

How to tell if your man is about to have a fling with another woman

Photo: zimmytws, www.123rf.com

When Adeline* found out that her husband of 12 years was having an affair with his colleague, she was more surprised than devastated. The affair seemed to come out of nowhere. 

“I really believed Darren* and I had a good marriage,” says the 42-year-old human resources manager. “We never really fought and we had an okay sex life. There was no reason at all for me to believe that he would betray me like that. When I found out about the affair, I wondered how our marriage had gotten to that point.”

The affair was short-lived and the couple decided to rebuild their relationship and attend counselling together.

When she looks back on her marriage before the affair began, however, Adeline says Darren displayed a few signs that he had “checked out” emotionally. “I didn’t realise it at the time, but he wasn’t happy at home,” she shares. “At certain points, I noticed that he was withdrawn. I figured it was stress-related and didn’t talk to him about it.”

Adeline recalls other occasions where Darren felt she didn’t appreciate him or care about him enough – issues that came to light only after theyʼd been for counselling. “Had Darren and I just been more open with each other about our feelings, and had we been more aware of the problems in our marriage, perhaps the affair would not have taken place,” she adds.

Also read: Is quick sex a sign of an unhappy marriage?

Why people cheat
Jasmine Siang, a psychotherapist at Heart-To-Heart Psychotherapy, says no one actually plans to have an affair. The majority of extra-marital affairs happen spontaneously. 

“Infidelity is typically the result of one spouse not getting his or her needs met in the marriage,” she explains. “If someone else – whom they think can fulfil these emotional, physical, sexual and/or intellectual needs – comes along, they will gravitate towards that person. If the conditions are right, they may even decide to have an affair. 

“Of course, cheating on your spouse is never the answer to whatever problems you have in your marriage. However, for the one being unfaithful, that feeling of disconnectedness or dissatisfaction is very real, and they may find solace and comfort in forging a sexual and/or emotional connection with someone else.”

Signs you might be about to lose him
Most of us would be able to tell if our spouse was having an affair. We’ve all heard of the classic telltale signs – from text messages at odd hours of the day and night to the lipstick marks on the collar, and the sudden change in his appearance or lifestyle habits. 

But you don’t want to wait until it gets to that point before reviewing your relationship with your husband or asking yourself what went wrong. 

Also read: How to fix things when you and your spouse don't talk anymore

Here are a few signs that signal that an affair may be waiting to happen. If you notice any of these behaviours, bring it up to him and work together to get to the root of the problem before he decides to look for satisfaction elsewhere.

He doesn’t seem happy anymore. He appears moody and withdrawn, and doesn’t react positively when he sees you or when you call him, says Jasmine.

He’s easily annoyed or angered. Jasmine says your husband may snap at you when you ask him what he’s doing or where he’s going because bitterness or resentment may have set in and he can’t help but take it out on you.

He’s no longer interested in sex. A low libido may also indicate problems with your hubby’s health, such as erectile dysfunction disorder. But if you know for sure that he is healthy, then a loss of interest may mean that he no longer feels emotionally connected to you, says Jasmine. When he lacks this connection, he loses the desire for sexual intimacy.

He’s stopped trying to make you happy. He used to make an effort to please you, but now it’s like he doesn’t care anymore, says Daniel Koh, a psychologist at Insights Mind Centre. In fact, you feel like he’s starting to take you for granted altogether. 

He’s not emotionally connected to you. He seems distant or distracted and unable to keep his mind in the present, says Jasmine. Sometimes, when you try to have a conversation with him, he acts as if he’d rather be somewhere else. It’s also become difficult to relate to him. 

OUR EXPERTS
Jasmine Siang, psychotherapist, Heart-To-Heart Psychotherapy
Daniel Koh, psychologist, Insights Mind Centre

 

3 bad habits that could hurt your marriage

Aware insidious bad subtle habits hurt marriage everyday actions relationship your man EMBED
Photo: 123rf.com

When you’re in a long-term relationship, things can get stagnant and predictable. That’s when you get so comfortable that you stop consciously making an effort to make your other half feel loved and appreciated. Here are some habits you should kick before they harm your relationship with Hubby.

1. Nagging

We’ve all probably read about how women are the more talkative sex, speaking up to an average of 13,000 more words compared to men. But how much of it is classified as nagging – and how conscious are we of it? The next time you’re cleaning up after your children, stop and do a self-check to see if you’re saying things like, “Why do I always have to pick up after you” and other similar phrases.

 

Also read: How to fix things when you and your spouse don't talk anymore

 

Complaining is a negative action, and negativity breeds negativity. No one likes to have someone breathing down their neck and pointing fingers every time a hair is out of place.

Clamp down on this unconscious nagging, and you may just see your mood, and everyone else’s in the family, improve significantly.

2. Hiding your grouses from your husband

Even though you should check your urge to complain regularly, you shouldn’t bottle all your negative feelings up either. Are you unhappy about the way your parents-in-law are spoiling your kids, or is Hubby’s harmless habit of not switching off the lights irritating you to no end?

Bring it up with Hubby in a calm manner, so both of you can figure out a compromise or a way to tackle the issue.

Keeping quiet about these issues can unknowingly affect the way you respond to your spouse and hurt your relationship in the long run.

 

Also read: Why does Hubby feel guilty when you can't orgasm during sex?

 

3. Rolling your eyes at what Hubby does/says

You may not think much of it, but eye-rolling is a sign of contempt which, according to renowned Professor Emeritus of Psychology at the University of Washington Dr John Gottman, is one of the top indicators of whether or not a marriage will fail.

Behaving dismissively suggests that what Hubby is doing or saying is not worthy of your respect – and is the complete opposite of being appreciative of him, be it his jokes or his actions. This does no favours for your marriage.

6 fun sex games, sex positions and sex toys to spice up things in the bedroom

Fun, sex, games, positions, toys, spice up, things, bedroom, sex life, love, your man EMBED
Photo: 123rf.com

1. Hands-free stimulation

Do you and the Hubs like to use vibrators during sex? The problem with many sex toys is that they are cumbersome and can be distracting. The Eva is different in that it is hands-free, yet gives you clitoral stimulation while making love – even when you are in an adventurous position.

Made of medical-grade silicone, the little device has flexible “wings” that keep it comfortably in place under your labia. The powerful three-speed motor stimulates your pleasure zone, leaving your hands free to do whatever they need to do. US$105 (S$145), available at www.dameproducts.com.

2. Go deep

In the Pirate’s Bounty sex position, you start by lying on your back. Your man faces you, kneeling in between your legs, with his legs spread apart. As he enters, slowly raise one of your legs so that your toes point towards the ceiling. Your husband can then rest that leg on his shoulder and put his arm around it.

Vanessa says the position is easy to get into but creates a deeper angle of impact. It’s also easy for the woman to get the clitoral stimulation she needs to reach orgasm.

 

Also read: 5 new sex toys to try for great sex tonight

 

3. Underwater pleasure

Make a bath together more fun with this discreet Bubble Love sex toy. Described as a personal pleasure jet, it delivers thousands of tiny pulsating bubbles to stimulate you and your husband’s erogenous zones.

The submersible device is easy to use and designed to work for up to one hour when fully charged. Simply fill your bathtub, switch on the device, and aim the jet at wherever needs a sexy massage. It’s a great little extra to pack on a romantic weekend getaway. US$149.95, available at www.mysecretluxury.com.

4. Your wish is my command

Add variety to your lovemaking with this Bedroom Commands card game by Kheper Games. It consists of two decks of cards – one for you and one for him, offering funny, fun and sexy commands for when either of you feels like taking charge. US$7.99, available at www.spencersonline.com.

 

Also read: 4 unexpected pleasure zones on your man's body you need to know to have great sex

 

5. Small and discreet

This is great for nights when you want to be extra careful about waking up the kids – it’s whisper-quiet. The Duet vibrator by Crave offers four vibration modes and four power levels, so you and your man can have fun discovering ideal combinations. It’s also waterproof and recharges in any standard USB port. From US$149, available at www.lovecrave.com.

6. Make it last

Help Hubby perform better – and last longer – with Kama Sutra’s Pleasure Balm Prolonging Gel. The product, which provides a mild tingling sensation and has a desensitising effect on the penis, has been approved by the United States Food and Drug Administration.

It’s said to help increase sexual stamina and performance. Apply a small amount of the minty gel to the head and shaft of the penis five to 10 minutes before intercourse. Wipe off any gel before you start to get intimate and wash it off completely when you’re done. US$19.99, available at www.condomania.com.

 

This story was originally published in the May 2016 issue of Simply Her.