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“Eugene* and I have been married for 11 years. We have sex about once or twice a week and it’s always satisfying, but we rarely have time for foreplay. We’re both exhausted by the end of the night – our jobs and our two young kidskeep us on our toes – so it’s almost always impossible to enjoy more than 10 or 15 minutes together when we do make love.
“But foreplay is so important. Before life got super busy for us, Eugene and I would spend ages in bed together, just kissing and messing around, and building up this crazy sexual tension, and later have the most explosive sex.”
It started with the undies
“But while we don’t have that much time for foreplay now, I think we’ve stumbled on something even better. It started three years ago, when I forgot to put on underwear before leaving the house for my friend’s wedding. I know it sounds ridiculous – who would forget to put on underwear?
“But Eugene and I were rushing to leave the house because we were so late for the event. I’d planned to wear a new pair of lace undies that day and kept reminding myself to take it out of the drawer, but the scene at home was so chaotic that I left the house in my long formal dress with no panties underneath.
“It wasn’t until Eugene and I arrived at the wedding venue that I realised I was panty-less. Blushing, I turned to him and said, ‘Oh my gosh, I forgot to put on underwear!’
“I expected him to shake his head in disbelief or laugh at me, but instead, he told me that that really turned him on. Throughout the dinner, he couldn’t stop smiling or keep his hands off me.
“Seeing him that way got me excited too. It was torture for us both because we wanted so desperately to have sex but couldn’t. When we got home, we ravaged each other like there was no tomorrow.
“Intrigued by Eugene’s reaction to my not wearing panties, I tried it again a few months later. We were having dinner with friends when I leaned over and whispered in his ear that I had ‘gone commando’. I added that it was a shame we were out because I was extremely aroused and wanted to make love. It drove him crazy and that was all the foreplay we needed when we got home that night.
“I still play this panty-less game with Eugene, but only once or twice a year, and always when he least expects it. I don’t want to make it a regular occurrence because I don’t want it to lose its appeal or for him to get bored with it.”
“There are other ways I keep Eugene lusting after me, like sending him sexy texts when he’s at work, or whispering sexually suggestive things in his ear before he leaves the house.
“I’ll say things like, ‘I’m imagining us naked in bed right now’ or ‘I can’t wait until we’re alone together tonight… The things I want to do to you…’. I don’t say too much, just enough to get his imagination running a bit wild.
“Once in a while, I’ll even send Eugene sexy photos, but nothing too crazy. Once, I went clothes shopping during my lunch break. After trying on a few outfits in the fitting room, I decided to take a few sexy snaps of myself.
“I got into some really suggestive poses in just my bra and panties, and e-mailed the photos to Eugene. He got all hot and bothered and pleaded with me to meet him at home, just for an hour, so we could make love, but I told him I couldn’t because I had an important meeting to attend.
“All afternoon he wouldn’t stop texting me. I replied to all his frantic, pestering text messages with a series of winking and kissing emoticons. When he arrived home that evening he was so happy and excited. The sex we had that night, after all that build-up, was spectacular.”
The thrill of the chase
“Playing hard-to-get makes me feel more empowered because I get to control Eugene’s sexual excitement, in a sense. It gives me such a thrill, knowing that he wants me but can’t have me yet, for whatever reason. He’s pretty much at my mercy, but in a good way. And to know that he can’t get me off his mind makes me feel super-loved and sexy. It’s like dating him all over again.
“I love the fun and excitement of playing hard-to-get with Eugene. Most importantly, I love what this game has done for our sex life and our marriage. Of course, Eugene and I still wish that we had more time and energy for foreplay, but on days when I make him wait for sex, there’s practically no need for foreplay anyway because we’re both so aroused.”
Karen’s husband, 40-year-old business manager Eugene, says:
“It drives me nuts – in a good way – when Karen leaves me hanging. Desiring her, but knowing that I cannot touch her right away when I want to, is such a turn-on. Our sex life wasn’t exactly boring before, but it had become routine. We never spent much time on foreplay; we never even really flirted much. Now, the foreplay and flirting last all day when she plays hard-to-get with me, and this heightens the sexual anticipation.”