"I thought I'd try out the 'female condom' so my hubby could have a little more fun. As it turns out, I spent half an hour trying to get mine in! By which time, I was so frustrated, I'd lost the mood." - Selena, Homemaker
"He vomited on my rented gown and I spent all night trying to clean stuff off the beading and sequins."
- Winnie, PR Manager
"We'd knelt down so many times for the tea ceremony that our knees and thighs were sore. In the night, although he tried his best, my husband just couldn't support himself with his knees and thighs which were shivering with overstrain. So we ended up in a sitting position, which worked out pretty well too."
- Tin Li, Civil Servant
"He took ages in the bathroom and when he finally emerged, it was obvious he'd been busy with a 'warm-up' to prevent being overly aroused and ending our first night experience prematurely. In my nervousness I blurted, 'oh are you down?'"
- Shirlyn, Events Planner
"Great wedding night sex? What sex? My hubby passed out - totally!"
- Karen, designer
"I'd bought this naughty-looking satin corset in London, complete with laces and hooks at the back, to surprise him. Somehow, the laces got stuck and he couldn't undo me. We had to call my mum to help. She couldn't undo the corset either and called my dad. He couldn't bring himself to do it so he called my aunt and she joined the gang in trying to unlace me, which she succeeded. Then they all trooped out noisily, and I thought things couldn't get more embarrassing until mum turned at the door and said kindly, 'If you need any more help, just call.' So not!"
- Sylvia, Dealer
"We were mucking around with him pretending to tear off my wedding dress... and he accidentally did! It was hard explaining to the salon people with a straight face."
- Felicia, Sales
"I fell asleep during the supposedly arousing massage that my husband was giving me! He didn't have the heart to wake me up."
- Grace, Homemaker
"My husband forgot to bring the condoms! So there wasn't any whoopee! We had our wedding in a country club and he was too tired to drive out to 'civilisation' to buy."
- Jenny, Teacher
"Let's just say getting your period on your wedding night is a big turn-off for grooms. I couldn't believe it happened just as he was showing me how creative he could get with his mouth. He thought I was getting aroused but I realised that it was my period and got up to go to the bathroom, only to be overtaken by him rushing for the sink to spit, gargle and brush his teeth!"
-Shauna, Pharmaceutical Representative
For more real weddings and advice, get your issue of Her World Brides Mar - May 2017 on sale now at all newstands!